God Loves Aberdeen

Every Sunday night our church meets in the party room upstairs in the Belmont Picturehouse, Aberdeen. There are usually about twenty five people, sitting on makeshift rows of those swivelling office chairs, with the fan blasting because it is too hot even in winter (just painting the scene for you!)! Like lots of the churches in Aberdeen are doing, we are praying for our city and the people of Aberdeen.
Ever since we arrived in Aberdeen we have heard the word 'revival' used again and again all over our church. To my ears at first it sounded like a bit of an' 80s charismaniac phenomenon word' (if that makes any sense!), but the more I pick up on the heart for seeing our city transformed, the more revival sounds exciting. After all, in the Bible what we call 'revival' simply seems to happen where the people who love Jesus go and just live out their lives, worshipping together, giving freely, loving one another, preaching the truth of salvation through Jesus. Then lots of people get saved. Sometimes lots of people turn against them, and there might be persecution, but they certainly leave the impact of Jesus in a place.
As we meet together and ask God to use us and save people in Aberdeen, not just a few but thousands, I have noticed that we start to change. We are united in our desperate love for all the lost people here who God wants to belong to Him. Our hearts are being changed, so we feel the compassionate heart of Jesus for people we might normally ignore - homeless people begging on the streets, shop assistants, bus drivers, students, cleaners. As well as this our eyes are being opened to see the people around us every day with God's heart - work colleagues, mums at toddler group or the school gates, lecturers, bosses.
When I walked to Sainsburys on Monday morning I was thinking about all the people I know who love Jesus in Aberdeen, and I was excited thinking about them going out into our city like bright lights. I thought of them like those rabbits in the duracell advert, running with energy packs on their backs (weird I know, but just go with it!). There were doctors, nurses, midwives, psychiatrists. There were cooks, cleaners, receptionists, builders. There were so many business men and women working in the oil industry here. There were mums in coffee shops and toddler groups, older ladies doing their shopping, teenagers starting the week at school. All of them praying for and loving Aberdeen. How long can it be before things start to happen to this city?

p.s Do you pray for your town or city? I mean really pray, until your eyes are opened to what God wants to do and your heart is breaking with love for the people. Love, x

FYI: Baby Worship is Bad!

It seems to me that there is a delicate balance between loving your baby well and ending up worshipping your baby. You might think that sounds extreme. Surely if you should be pouring out your love for someone it should be for your child? But in my experience this can go horribly wrong when we don't do it well. So...

This is how it should go in an ideal world - we love God, we love our husbands, and then we love our children. So babies are the third priorities of our lives. But when their physical needs mean that we are constantly focused on them, it is very easy to put them as the number one priority of our lives, which they should never be. We have a tendency to put feeding the baby first, or buying something for the baby, or talking constantly about the baby, or watching the baby! The list goes on. But what happens is that we stop being there for our husbands, we even stop respecting and honouring them if they need something from us that clashes with the timing of the baby's needs (I've been there!). Then we are sinning against God by neglecting our marriage, which is far more important to God than changing the baby's nappy (yes, I do realise that babies must be cared for, and sometimes things have to wait so we can do that, but this is really about your heart attitude). And then everything is out of sync and it is likely that the baby is taking a place in our lives which only God deserves.

In Paul's opening to the letter to the Romans he writes about humanity and idolatry. He says: "For although they knew God, they did not honour him as God or give thanks to him, but they became futile in their thinking and their foolish hearts were darkened...they exchanged the truth about God for a lie and worshipped and served the creature rather than the Creator" (v. 21-5, read the whole of chapter 1 if you can). God takes this seriously, and sadly baby idolatry is accepted and even praised in our culture. I know from hanging out with other mums that most of the time they don't talk about anything but their babies, and they joke about the fact that they never talk to their husbands or go to bed with them. This is a huge mistake which will end in disaster. If you live to serve your baby you will wear yourself down with exhaustion, and when the children are grown up you may realise that your marriage has fallen apart.

I'm not saying that we shouldn't care for our babies or enjoy talking about them, but we must remember that we are bringing them up to glorify God, not to meet our need to have something to worship. Children don't turn out well when we do that because they aren't meant to be worshipped. They are supposed to worship God with us. I think that this is something we particularly struggle with as mums, so here are a few things that I have found helpful for keeping things in a biblical perspective (some of these relate to the husband/wife relationship but that is for a reason - because God considers that relationship to be foundational to bringing up a child)...

• Be very careful about how you interact with your husband when your baby is around. Don't belittle him if he doesn't know how to do the practical baby jobs as well as you. Don't patronise him or take your frustation out on him.


• Listen to your husband. You may think that you know best when it comes to baby stuff, and maybe you do, but he has God-given wisdom to lead his family. He often knows what is best for you. So for example, if Aaron takes Isabelle at church and says he wants me to have a bit of time to sing to God, then I should do that.


• If you are having a conversation with someone and you notice that every ten seconds you are looking at your baby (this really does happen because you are so accustomed to reading your baby for signs of hunger/tiredness/boredom!), stop yourself. This is difficult to do, but you must make yourself concentrate on other people sometimes.


• On that note, make sure you have conversations about things other than babies. Ask your husband about his day, and be interested. Talk to other mums about your relationship with God. Read about things that interest you like art, nature, or prophecy for example.


• Don't allow your whole week to be shaped around your baby's schedule. Do what makes life run smoothly for you, and ask God how you can serve Him and honour Him in your week.


• Read your Bible when your baby is sleeping, and spend time in prayer, then God will remain the centre of your life, rather than this boring thing, confined to church on Sundays.


• Relax about your baby, they shouldn't rule your world!

This is a wonderful time, and having a baby around is a lovely experience, but we must be careful to keep our priorities right. This isn't just something that we have to force ourselves to do, it is actually best for us (we get to relax a bit more, and expand our horizons, and spend time with God - all of these help keep us sane on those bad days!), and best for the baby (as I already said, they aren't designed to be worshipped, and bringing up a spoilt, demanding child isn't nice). This is because God knows what is best for all of us, and he lovingly wants that for us.

Love,x

How to have a baby, and only spend £37!

Recently I have read several articles about how much people spend on a new baby. The statistics range from an average of £1,200 to about £4,000 before the baby is even born! This isn't a surprise to me because when I worked in a baby shop people would regularly spend that amount. But honestly, has the world gone mad?

Being part of the church changes everything. I know that sounds strange, but it really does. The Bible says about the early church: "All the believers were together and had everything in common. They sold property and possessions to give to anyone who had need." (Acts 2:44-5) Our churches don't work exactly like that, but our experience has been that the church has met our needs (along with gifts from our families). So far Isabelle has cost us about £35 in nappies and formula milk, and we bought two changing mats at a car boot sale for £1 each! Other than that our baby has cost us nothing. This is because of a long list of kind church people - my dear friends Lisa & Chantel threw me a baby shower and showered me with gifts (in true American fashion!), several couples we love clubbed together and bought us a baby gym, my friend Bethan gave me a bag of baby socks and tights, Leslie gave us a bag of toys, Phil & Jayne gave us nappies and money, several wonderful friends gave us £100 cash out of the blue, lots of ladies from church dropped off outfits for Isabelle, and the list could go on. The most recent example has been that a lady called Jo in our church in Aberdeen had one conversation with me, and two days later was on our doorstep with a whole car full of baby things including a highchair, pushchair, and safety gates.

Aren't you blown away by that? I'm absolutely amazed at God's provision and the generosity of our church family. But let me also say that this is not about taking advantage of people or using the church to get things. The church is a family so you throw yourself in, serve diligently, and give all that you can. Out of that our needs have been joyfully met, and gifts gratefully received. What a testimony to the world about how different Christian community is! Most people save up to have a baby, but we have trusted God and His church to provide.

This beautiful sharing of resources can be prevented from happening if we are too proud to receive help. Sometimes I found it hard to accept yet another handout from someone at church, I felt like I was always saying thank you! It was wonderful, but it certainly humbled me to graciously receive from others. We have a big problem with feeling like a charity case, we want to do things for ourselves, but that is why people spend £2,000 before their baby is even born and probably get into debt in the process. When you are part of a church family you can humble yourself, get over the obsession with buying everything new, and enjoy the experience of being provided for. After all, a bit later in life we will be able to do the same for other young couples.

So, some practical tips...

• Don't turn anything down! When people bring you bags of things there will often be useful things that you hadn't thought of before, and anything you don't need can just be taken to a charity shop or passed on to another mum.


• Don't be weird about second-hand items (apart from on certain items that are best new, like a pram and car seat if you can afford it). Carboot sales are where everyone gets rid of their baby stuff, and you can get most things very cheaply.


• Check out nearly new sales, which happen around the UK for baby items.


• Try being creative and making a few things (like nursery curtains and cot sheets).


• Lots of people will ask if you need things so be honest about what you need, rather than saying that you are fine.


• Take advantage of all the vouchers given out by Bounty in pregnancy, and join baby clubs like Boots Parenting Club.


• Do your research online, look at reviews, so that you don't waste money on things that are not great and necessary.

Having a baby is about the joy of raising a little person and teaching them to love God and other people, not about what you buy. We have an almost obsesive anxiety about our babies having everything, as if that makes us good parents. My encouragement to young married couples is to seek godly wisdom and then just go for it! We shouldn't be waiting around because we need to save up to have a baby! I hope our example is an encouragement, and gives you confidence that having a baby when you are part of God's family doesn't have to be on hold for financial reasons.

Love always,x

Isabelle and I visiting Costa in Aberdeen!

God on the Labour Ward

I have never known God's peace so deeply as when I was in labour with Isabelle! How strange that sounds! One of our midwives said to me that normally the labour room is a place of stress and chaos, but she loved coming into our room because it felt extraordinarily calm and peaceful! The only way I can explain this is that God's presence was there.

God had prepared me for giving birth with Psalm 23. I had studied it word by word, over and over, letting the old familiar image of God as my Shepherd sink into the depths of my soul. By the time we got to the big day I knew it off by heart...

The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want.
He makes me lie down in green pastures.
He leads me beside still waters.
He restores me soul.

Throughout my experience of labour I only had to close my eyes and I was walking beside my heavenly Father in a beautiful meadow. I had read a quote from H.W Beecher about this psalm which said: "It has charmed more griefs to rest than all the philosphy of the world. It has remanded to their dungeon more felon thoughts, more black doubts, more thieving sorrows, than there are sands on the sea shore." I can only add my testimony to this. The power of God's word to bring peace to a situation is beyond anything I have ever known. Between contractions if I felt at breaking point because of the pain Aaron would rub my back and say 'Go to your meadow'! It sounds silly, but I was really meeting with God in those moments, and it is what kept me going.

I wish I could say that since giving birth I have been able to meet with God as closely. But the chaos and constant demands of having a new baby have made it difficult for me to just stop and be with God. It isn't impossible, but I do have to learn to put aside some of my jobs and give up my highly organised routine. Never before has it felt more vital to just sit at the feet of Jesus like Mary did (story of Martha and Mary in Luke 10). My heart desperately needs to return to walking in my meadow with my Father. Do you know how it feels to walk with God? Is your heart longing to be with Him again? Shall we set aside some time to do that? Love,x

Isabelle in Aberdeen with daddy!

Let us have a baby and move to Aberdeen!

In the last few weeks and months God has spoken very clearly to my husband about moving to Aberdeen. With much wisdom and sensitivity he has been considering it (reluctantly at first!) and weighing up the options.This has been accompanied by the opening up of almost unbelievable opportunities for us in Aberdeen in terms of financial provision, academic opportunities for Aaron, housing, church connections, and just about everything else! Although there is lots to be finalised, it has become obvious that God wants us to be there, and we will be leaving in less than 2 months ready for the start of the academic year. By then our baby will be born, and I will be leaving Chester as a full-time mum. In all of this, from my perspective, God has been noticably quiet. I have heard no voice from heaven announcing that we should move to Aberdeen, only an overwhelming sense of peace, yet I am very thankful for this opportunity to follow Aaron's leadership. Although it is challenging not to be in control of my location, it gives me great joy to trust Aaron because I know he is trusting God and being obedient to God's calling for us as a family.

It seems like God's provision for me that at the Newfrontiers Leadership International Conference this year, Wendy Virgo led an excellent series of seminars on the home called Home Truths, particularly in regards to those who are relocating to plant churches (I would highly recommend checking these out,download for free at www.newfrontierstogether.org). The range of practical wisdom and insight given by women who have been repeatedly uprooted to be involved in churches all around the world provided me with such inspiration, and got me thinking about the concept of home.

There is something profound and vital about establishing a home. As human beings we need a place where we belong, and we often have a natural urge to create this (pregnant women in particular are famous for their 'nesting instinct'!). As you will know by now I often go to the book of Proverbs on practical matters, and there we find in Chapter 31 a wife who is putting a lot of time and energy into her home, to the joy and satisfaction of her husband and children. It also says in Proverbs 14:1: "The wisest of women builds her house, but folly with her own hands tears it down". This saying could be applied to many different situations, but in a literal sense it is saying that it is good to devote ourselves to building a home (including all the different aspects of a home, such as decor and comfort, prayer and worship, kindness and hospitality).

We know that homes have a very useful place in church life and in sharing our faith. In the book of Acts a wealthy woman called Lydia becomes a Christian and the author writes: "And after she was baptized, and her household as well, she urged us, saying, "If you have judged me to be faithful to the Lord, come to my house and stay" (Acts 16:15). So Paul and the group he was travelling with are welcomed into her home. There are many other mentions in the New Testament of homes being used for God's purposes, for example, in Colossians 4:15 Paul sends greetings to a woman called Nympha and the church that was meeting in her house. It is a wonderful thing to establish a home that can be used to welcome others, and where people can meet together. But our physical home is not the end of the story, and we must not live and work for the purpose of getting our house looking like something from an interior design magazine. I long for that kind of house sometimes, but to make that our goal is to seriously miss the point!

Jesus says lots about our home and our priorities, some of which might sound a bit harsh. He wants people to be willing to give up everything to follow him, and sometimes this means being physically uprooted from our place of comfort. Luke records Jesus having a conversation with someone who says "I will follow you, Lord, but let me first say farewell to those at my home" (Luke 9:61), and Jesus replies "No one who puts his hand to the plow and looks back is fit for the kingdom of God" (Luke 9:62). Jesus didn't have a physical home when he lived in the world, he travelled around, and we must always be willing to pack up and go when He says 'Go'. Just after I became a Christian someone had a prophecy for my life from John 3:8: "The wind blows where it wishes, and you hear its sound but you do not know where it comes from or where it goes. So it is with everyone who is born of the Spirit". This came with a sense of needing to be ready to be moved around as God directed, even if it didn't make any sense to other people or even much sense to me! The Aberdeen situation is just one example of this.

Finally, I must mention 2 Corinthians 5 in relation to our long-term perspective. Paul writes: "For we know that if the tent that is our earthly home is destroyed, we have a building from God, a house not made with hands, eternal in the heavens. For in this tent we groan, longing to put on our heavenly dwelling" (2 Cor 5:1-2). Here he is talking about the body as a temporary home, and heaven as our eternal home. This reality shapes everything about the way we think about homes in the world. We are never going to be finally at home here, no matter how nice we make our house, because we are travelling towards a far better home. We can be available to live anywhere because it is all part of the journey, and I am excited to be on this journey with God, there is no better place to be :) Love,x

A sword through the heart: How we undermine the men in our lives

"There is one whose rash words are like sword thrusts, but the tongue of the wise brings healing." (Proverbs 12:18 ESV)

The Bible has lots to say about words. It even has lots to say about women and their words. Proverbs 31 says of a godly woman: "She opens her mouth with wisdom, and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue" (v 26 ESV). In the context this is being applied to a wife and mother, but it is just as relevant for those of us who are single or wanting to prepare ourselves for marriage. Words are very powerful. Either we leave stab wounds or we are a gracious antiseptic bandage!That's the choice. So the way we talk to and about men is a big deal even though it might seem like a small thing, or you might think I'm blowing it out of proportion. We believe the Bible is true on all matters of human nature, so it is a big deal.

So, why am I going on about words? Well, we use a lot of words for a lot of different purposes, but I particularly want to think about how we use our words to undermine men. I believe this is a major problem in our culture, in the church, and sadly in many Christian marriages. I see it all the time, and I recognise the tendency in myself. We have been freed to be disrespectful about men and to speak belittlingly of those close to us because this is so normal in our culture. Not that guys are perfect, there are equally big issues with the way men behave towards women, but here we are talking about women and their words.

What are we talking about practically? The book of Proverbs is full of advice about how to use words (read through it if you get a chance, and highlight everything you find about words). The author talks about "a soft answer" (15:1), "a gentle tongue" (15:4), and "gracious words" (16:24) all having a deep, healthy, life-giving impact on those we communicate with. Yet so often when we talk to men or about men (our husband, boyfriend, dad, church leader, uni friends) we find it is acceptable, and even encouraged by other women, to speak negatively. At times I have caught myself snapping at my husband, or moaning about him to friends, or making a disrespectful joke when we are at a social event. Since becoming aware of this I have noticed other dear friends speaking in a patronising way to their dad, or being constantly critical of their church leaders, or putting down their husbands in front of others. There are endless ways in which we as women can undermine men with our words. Because it is an issue of the heart, not just a matter of what comes out of our mouths, it will look different for different people. Jesus taught about this: "The good person out of the good treasure of his heart produces good, and the evil person out of his evil treasure produces evil, for out of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaks" (Luke 6:45). So if we stop and think about it, there must be a sinful attitude in our heart that is leading us to speak in an undermining way. For example, if there is an attitude of rebellion against my husband in my heart then I may react disrespectfully and fiercely to his guidance or correction.

Often I don't think we realise what we are doing, or what the full implications are. But the effect, whether intentional or not, is to discourage them, paralyse them in their initiative-taking, and sap their confidence in their leadership ability (in professional situations at work, and in personal situations such as marriage and parenting). Not only that but it causes a lot of pain, as we saw in the sword thrusts of Proverbs 12:18. We are also sneaky sometimes, and we know that we are undermining the men in our lives but because it is often done through lots of small subtle things we can pretend to ourselves and others that we didn't mean it. Sometimes we will cover up the critical or disrespectful nature of what we are saying by turning it into a joke. This is something to be aware of. Even if we think we are getting ourselves off the hook for our use of words, God sees straight through us anyway. Proverbs 15:11 says "Even death and destruction hold no secrets from the Lord. How much more does he know the human heart!" (NLT). He is concerned with the things in our hearts, not just what we say.

So, some questions worth considering...

• Do I use my words to wound or to heal?


• Have I asked God to reveal the attitude of my heart towards men so that I can work through any sin there?


• Why do I speak the way I do about/towards my husband/boyfriend/church leader/friend? Am I negatively influenced by culture or women around me?


• Am I being an example to others in respecting and honouring the men in my life with my words (as well as the women, of course!)?


• Do I also use body language or looks in an undermining way (eg. rolling my eyes, turning away with folded arms)?


• Is there anything I need to ask forgiveness for or anything I need to turn from and change (repent of)?

Love, until next time.x

The spirit of feminism

After spending several months on a journalism training course I had some thoughts about the personal influence of feminism in our culture which I want to share with you. Here is not the place to go into the definition of feminism because it has become so wide-ranging and I would be sure to say something inaccurate, but I do want to raise a couple of points from my own experience.

I worked along side some highly competitive young women who lived and worked out of the general beliefs that you don't need a man in your life (and certainly shouldn't let a man influence your life), that gender is a social construction, and that being single and career-orientated is the path of liberation. This belief system has infiltrated all aspects of the media and entertainment and education in our culture, now being accepted by most girls as their worldview without any connection to the roots of feminism. It's just there, convenient, and culturally acceptable. Therefore, I'm not talking about academic feminism, because very few women know where their views are coming from, I'm just talking about the spirit of feminism that has filtered down into popular culture.

I have observed in many of the young women that I have spent time with that they have a hatred for authority over them in any form. They are particularly defiant of being led by any man in any sphere of life, resulting in a disdainful attitude towards men and often a dislike for chivalry. I have observed an arrogance about their liberated lifestyle, and a disdain for marriage and motherhood. Many girls I worked with never managed to sustain a long-term relationship because they were self-absorbed to the extent of being unwilling to give anything of themselves to the relationship or make any compromise. I can remember being like this myself, but I'm realising that it is both dangerous for our society and for the individuals themselves to buy into this. So, from my experience of the way I used to think and feel, as well as what I've observed around me, here are some thoughts:

The spirit of feminism...

• It stops you needing people, or at least admitting your need for people. This defeats real community/sharing/giving, which are all incredibly important for relationships.




• It makes you proud of your independence, which means that you might tend to bottle up or block out feelings so that you can survive, leading to unhealthy long-term consequences.




• It might make you feel good to say that you don't need a man, but it's not an honourable thing, men and women do need each other deeply.




• If you have accepted the popular feminism you will find the demands of a relationship very difficult - selfless love, compromise, submission, will be impossible.




• The feminist mindset makes you read everything with a defensiveness and indignation which makes it impossible to accept constructive criticism, and makes you paranoid that people are trying to belittle you. Neither are helpful because sometimes you do need to be told to change, and you do need to be humble.




• No matter how much you try to convince yourself that female solidarity makes a relationship with a guy unnecessary, it just doesn't.




• Feminism isn't the answer to all the abuse of women that has occured throughout history.




• Sometimes our views are used as a front or as an excuse because we are scared, lazy, or selfish.




• If it is true that there is no fundamental difference between men and women then this should be accepted entirely, yet there are some situations where it just doesn't make sense (sending women to fight in Iraq?).




• The spirit of feminism makes chivalry unnecessary (even despised), which is tragic because it's a really healthy and good thing for men and women.




• Our beliefs often rise out of bad or painful experiences with men. This is no basis for an ideology.




• If you end up acting like a man, that doesn't prove that women are self-sufficient. You can't copy someone and then say you don't need them.




• We have lost much of our softness. The spirit of feminism makes us disdainful of feminine things, instead of seeing femininity as beautiful and powerful in a different way to masculinity.
  

Whether we see it now or not, there are far-reaching consequences for lives lived out of these values. We need to consider how our culture is shaping us, maybe even without us being aware of it. What values affect your personal life? Who put them there? Why do you believe what you believe? Love,x

First Thoughts on having a Daughter

Now it's official. We will be having a daughter, and the baby is no longer this genderless being in my mind! My imagination could run wild with girliness! I think of flowers and tea parties, dressing up and playing house, reading the Beatrix Potter stories. I would love to do these things with our little girl. But more than that I want her to be a a little girl (and a woman) who loves Jesus with all her heart, and follows in the footsteps of Christian heroines. I'm not afraid to say that this is my intention for her, even though in our culture we are not supposed to bring up our children with a certain worldview (how outrageous, to 'brainwash' a child with the most joyful news the world has ever known!).

I have been reading a helpful book called Raisng Your Child for Christ by Andrew Murray, and he ends one of the chapters with a prayer, which is also my prayer for our daughter:

"Let my child be born only for this one thing, that she may be great in Your sight and a blessing to all around her. Amen"

I'm looking forward to this new adventure of motherhood, and hope you will want to share in the journey with me. love,x

This little light of mine...

I wouldn't have planned to begin our marriage and our family in an inner city area. In the last few months on our street we have witnessed drunken fights, drug dealing, burglary, and domestic violence. I would never have chosen this. I'm a country girl at heart, but God called us to live here so what could I do? I guess someone has to live here, someone who knows Jesus. Many couples plan to start their life together in a nice suburban area (and God has His purposes there too, they are just as much in need, it just looks different), but He told us to stay in the city. Here the presence of darkness in terms of behaviour and social problems is very obvious. Jesus not only referred to Himself as the Light of the World (John 8:12), but also said this of His disciples:

"You are the light of the world. A city set on a hill cannot be hidden. Nor do people light a lamp and put it under a basket, but on a stand, and it gives light to all in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before others, so that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father who is in heaven." (Matt 5:14-16 ESV)

This week God has helped me to let my light shine before others in one small way. I was despairing about living here because I put these lovely arrangements of plants on the door step to brighten our dreary row of terraced houses, and one lunchtime they were stolen (I know, it's silly to be upset about plants, but this was only one in a series of incidents). But God encouraged me not to give up, and to fight the influence of darkness in the little ways that I can. After all, John's gospel says "The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it." (John 1:5 ESV) I decided to paint our shabby black fence in fresh, glossy white. We had several warm afternoons in a row so I spent lots of time out in my street painting. I used it as an opportunity to sing to God and pray for the area we live in. "This little light of mine, I'm gonna let it shine" was going round and round in my head! I totally didn't expect it but I got into many conversations during those times. Students stopped to chat and point out bits I had missed! Residents from my street came to introduce themselves. Around one hundred people probably passed me and many encouraged me and appreciated my effort. One gentleman, age 90, was surprised that a young person who was only renting a house would care enough to paint it. I was just blown away by how God used my simple practical task. I now see that fence-painting can certainly be a ministry of light, along with any other little thing as we go about our daily lives, if we are open to God using us. As girls I think we have a unique talent for making things beautiful, not just functional (I have observed this in the decorating teams at many weddings!). Femininity is very diverse so this will not look the same for everyone, but it could be a discerning eye for interior design, a knowledge of plants or baking, a talent for styling people's hair, a musical gift, a gift for administration and order, and many, many more. All of these can be used to give glory to God, and to be a light in the world. The extraordinary things is that we don't have to become a certain type of person to be a light in our world, God just asks us to be who He designed us to be. What freedom! Anyone can do this! So, a couple of questions.. Are you aware of the spiritual reality in the area you live or work in? What are the particular issues? Do you know the people around you? Do you pray for your street? What does being a light in the world look like for you? How can you shine in your home, workplace, university, using your gifts so that God receives the glory?

A Case of Knowing God

In my last post I wrote that I wanted to consider what it means to know God through reading the Bible. Very soon after that God gave me another sickness-related opportunity to experience this for myself (sorry for so many illness stories, it's just that this has been my life experience and my place of learning recently!).

I was very sick and wasn't able to lie down or sleep at night. All I could do was wait for the morning to come, and watch Aaron sleeping. It was very dark and quiet. I had a battle with myself over whether I should get up and read the Bible or not. I didn't want to, but seven hours sitting in the dark passes painfully slowly. So I dragged myself downstairs and sat at the kitchen table with a cup of peppermint tea. I started reading at the book of Ephesians and continued through the New Testament letters. It was a constant struggle to focus my mind on the words in front of me while my stomach was churning. But eventually I reached a passage in Colossians that I couldn't possibly scan read. This section in my Bible is entitled 'The Preeminence of Christ':

"He is the image of the invisible God, the firstborn of all creation.

For by him all things were created, in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or dominions or rulers or authorities - all things were created through him and for him.

And he is before all things, and in him all things hold together.

And he is the head of the body, the church.

He is the beginning, the firstborn from the dead, that in everything he might be preeminent.

For in him all the fullness of God was pleased to dwell, and through him to reconcile to himself all things, whether on earth or in heaven, making peace by the blood of his cross." (Colossians 1:15-20 ESV)

What a God we have! I read that passage over and over until daylight, letting it sink in, and reflecting on the character of Jesus. I didn't do this because I'm super holy and always turning to the Bible. I did it because I was desperate to know God in my circumstances, which were leading me to despair. And honestly, by morning I felt like I knew Jesus a bit better than before and this gave me great joy. I don't think I could explain exactly how this happened, but I do believe that the Holy Spirit is with us when we read the Bible, and He reveals truth to us. Jesus said to his disciples...

"When the Spirit of truth comes, he will guide you into all the truth, for he will not speak on his own authority, but whatever he hears he will speak and he will declare to you the things that are to come." (John 16:13 ESV)

Although this passage applies specifically to those first disciples who would go on to write bits of the Bible and start the church, it also applies to us in our relationship with God today.

The Holy Spirit helps us to see Jesus more clearly when we search for Him. How wonderful! This is vital because I think as girls we get to know people best by sitting close together, making lots of eye contact, and talking about how we feel about things. As far as I can figure out, sitting at a little table in Starbucks for several hours and talking about life is our perfect way of feeling like we know someone. I will explain why I'm making this observation!

So then we pick up the Bible or try to pray and there is no one nodding and smiling opposite us, and it can feel very difficult to know God, or even know that He is there. We all know what it's liek to be reading the Bible and it just isn't going in, if anything it's making us feel alienated from God because it doesn't make much sense or we don't really care about all those tribes (we might even dare to admit that we don't really care about Jesus' life sometimes). But we have the Spirit to help us. We don't have to settle for acquiring knowledge about God that does nothing to change us or satisfy our longing for relationship. Jesus prayed:

"And this is eternal life, that they know you the only true God, and Jesus Christ whom you have sent." (John 17:3 ESV)

We do not settle for 'head knowledge'. Eternal life is knowing God intimately, personally, and by being quiet and listening, by asking for His help, we can believe what the Bible says (John 16:13), the Spirit will deepen our understanding and draw us to Jesus. Our hearts will be moulded and changed, and we will experience close fellowship with Jesus. (nb: 'fellowship' sounds like very old-fashioned Christian jargon, but it is actually a very special word. The Greek word koinonea means "the close association between persons, emphasizing what is common between them; by extension: by participation, sharing, contribution, gift, in close relationship" (from the Strongest NIV Exhaustive Concordance, Zondervan, 1999). This is profound because we experience fellowship with other Christians, but also with Jesus Himself (1 Corinthians 1:6 "God is faithful, by whom you were called into the fellowship of his Son, Jesus Christ our Lord"). A.W. Tozer wrote:

"The fellowship of God is delightful beyond all telling. He communes with His redeemed ones in an easy, uninhibited fellowship that is restful and healing to the soul." (from The Root of Righteousness, Survivor, 2003)

How many of us go on day by day without experiencing this? We settle for skim-reading a psalm and miss out on truly knowing God. I believe that we can experience Him even closer than a dear friend sitting across the table from us at Starbucks.

Why read the Bible when life falls apart?

I haven't been very good at turning to the Bible over the last couple of weeks. When you are sick and in constant pain there are much easier comforts, in my case hot cranberry juice, watching Ally McBeal, or a phone call to a sympathetic friend. These things have provided me with a few moments of relief (but I was never satisified either!).

Aaron noticed what I was looking to for comfort, and started reading the Bible to me every morning as soon as I sat up in bed! I felt sorry for myself and this wasn't what I wanted. I just stared at the words on the page, unable to connect with it. After all, why would you care about Paul's letter to the church in Corinth when you haven't slept for four nights in a row? This is where I was at (even though when my life was going well I enjoyed studying the Bible).

I realise that this isn't directly an issue of femininity (which is supposed to be my focus), but I wondered if maybe I'm not the only girl who finds reading the Bible hard when so many comforts and distractions surround us, in good times and hard times. I would argue that this is a foundational issue for Christian womanhood.

Anyway, that note aside, I found myself wondering, Does the Bible mean anything for me in my suffering?
You may notice from my question that I was rather self-absorbed at this point (although this question can be a valid one, my heart was not in the right place at all). I was so focused on my immediate needs that I couldn't really see the relevance of the Bible (other than to use it as a miniature table for my mug of juice because it is the largest book I own). I think we often give up on the Bible very easily if it doesn't provide an emotional quick fix or personal application, and in my experience this reaction is naturally more common in girls than guys. I have found it profoundly difficult to press on with reading something that is so vast, so seemingly disconnected from my current reality, and so difficult. Sometimes I have stumbled across words which seem written just for me, providing me with strength for weeks, and other times (like this time) it has seemed like an uphill struggle.

I think I have finally come to the root of my problem, which is this,

Is it about me and my life, or is it about God and His purposes?

If this is all about me then I shouldn't bother with the Bible unless it helps me in some way, whether that's a comforting mantra, a happy message, or an answer to a problem. But if this is about something (or Someone) far bigger than me, then maybe the Bible isn't there to serve me. Of course the Bible does provide great comfort, and it speaks to us today, but this shouldn't be why we read it. We read the Bible to know God more.

The Bible says of itself...

Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path. Psalm 119:105 (and many other things in the Psalms)

For the word of God is living and active, sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing to the division of soul and of spirit, of joints and of marrow, and discerning the thoughts and intentions of the heart. Hebrews 4:12

All Scripture is breathed out by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, and for training in righteousness, 2 Timothy 3:16

These verses say that the Bible is like a torch on a dark night, it is alive and powerful. I wonder if I had thought about the Bible this way, I might have realised it's relevance to my circumstances.


Also, if I hadn't been so self-centred during my illness, maybe I would have seen that God's purposes are far bigger than me. For example, I want to be able to say, in all circumstances, that the death and resurrection of Jesus for our salvation is GOOD NEWS! As it turns out, this is why I think I need the Bible at all times. It lifts my gaze to the things that really matter. It changes my whole perspective on the world, and if I have become the centre then it shrinks me down to my rightful size (in comparison to God, see this in the last few chapters of the book of Job). This isn't easy. My weak flesh (my 'old nature', the very human bit that craves comfort) wants to be gratified, it ties me down, and it is a struggle against this human nature to engage with the Bible. But the Bible feeds the soul, and this is far more vital than any other human need. I need God's help to be able to grasp this in all circumstances, especially when physical or emotional needs seem demanding and urgent.

I want to talk more about how the Bible helps us to know God, but there isn't time now, so I will come back to this in my next post. Love,x