A Girl's Guide to Christmas

So, Christmas is approaching very quickly! Why not grab a festive drink (Aaron and I love the Christmas tea blend, and gingerbread lattes!), and enjoy some thoughts on the Christmas season.

1. Advent is a very important time for staying focused on Jesus rather than getting sucked in to the frenzy of consumerism. The weeks before Christmas are supposed to be about waiting and expecting the Messiah, so get in to the Old Testament for the prophecies about Jesus. It is very grounding to remember the hundreds of years of waiting before Jesus was born.

2. If you have a poor self-image then you may find it difficult and stressful to choose Christmas presents and to receive presents. Spend time with God, and read the Bible so that you get your image shaped by how God sees you. Ask friends to pray with you. Don't even think about attempting any Christmas shopping without including God in your day, you can even talk to Him as you go round the shops.

3. Keep your mind active when watching Christmas films and advertising. Don't let any messages wash over you otherwise you will find that your Christmas expectations are coming from these sources rather than from the true meaning of Christmas. Don't allow yourself to be pressured or seduced into thinking that certain gifts, food, or relationship/family situations will make Christmas perfect. They won't.

4. Painful memories or situations seem more vivid at Christmas time. You might just be hit with the pain when you least expect it. Be ready to take these things to God and ask for His healing, be ready to forgive again in your heart if you experience resentment or bitterness, and rely on the support of godly friends or family. Don't compare your life to the fake 'perfect family' which is sold to us at Christmas. Jesus didn't come to make fake 'perfect families'. Just be ready to trust Him, knowing that He will comfort you this Christmas.

To be continued in Part 2...x

Open Home Part 2: An Open Home in Suffering

We never expected that I would suffer a miscarriage while our friends Lee and Charlie were staying with us, but that is exactly what happened. I have learned lots from having to continue welcoming them in our home, while going through the turbulence of grieving. As it turns out this was the most profound experience of community that I've ever had.

I stayed in bed in my pyjamas for days. Then I sat watching Cranford and quietly worked on some sewing projects for days. I didn't really interact with anyone except Aaron. But when I emerged from bed in the evenings Lee and Charlie would have made dinner for Aaron and I, it would be on the table and all I had to do was sit and eat. They put flowers on the table for me. A wonderful friend from our community group brought round food and transported me in the car wherever I needed to go. Another friend brought round a full cooked roast dinner for us one saturday night. Aaron gave up his free time to look after me. Mostly I just wanted to go to Starbucks (testing his loyalty to his own workplace, Costa!) in the early evenings to see the Christmas lights and spend a bit of time in the real world, surrounded by 'normal life'. Aaron is my closest community.

Normally I would have retreated into isolation at this time, I'm a guarded person by choice, but because of being married and surrounded by people this wasn't an option! But I learned that people can be very comforting in desperate situations. I found temporary relief from grieving in our dinner times with Lee and Charlie. We talked about light-hearted things, and they made me laugh. Our home continued to run itself, depsite my inability to do anything at all. I noticed real advantages because we had opened our lives and home to others. Even when I was lying in bed clouded with despair, I could hear people coming and going. Aaron'sdiscipleship group, or a friend dropping off food, or Aaron's friend Sam coming round to pray with him. This gave me great comfort.

As a result of my experience I feel strongly how wrong it is that we have been encouraged to guard our privacy, to protect our own space, to get our 'me time', and to be self-sufficient (obviously these things need to be handled with wisdom, and there are times for privacy and being alone). This means that we suffer more when we are in need because people won't be there, they might not even know that we are struggling. In addition, when people most need us, we probably won't know how to be there for them. It's awkward to see someone in a state of suffering when you have always had this nice, civilised, distant relationship.

I know that the early church is always used as an idyllic model of community, but I really have glimpsed the possibilities of it in my recent experience. Togetherness is possible, even in our times.

Acts 4:32 "Now the full number of those who believed were of one heart and
soul, and no one said that any of the things that belonged to him was his
own, but they had everything in common." (ESV)

I think we need to consider what this looks like for us as women today. The only way of getting a real community is when we walk together in all seasons of life, cry together, praise together. There seems to be this idea that when life is difficult you should retreat from others, protect yourself, and keep up appearances. Then all we have is fake smiles on a Sunday.

Something to think about...

How can you make your life more community focused?

Are you prepared to open up your life and home? Ask God to help you to be more open if you struggle with guardedness.

The Open Home saga continues...x

Open Home Part 1

A couple of months in to married life I read an extraordinary book called Open Heart, Open Home by Karen Mains (maybe it was only extraordinary to me because it was a new idea for me!). For two months our home had become a sanctuary for Aaron and I. We had it completely to ourselves for conversation, and romantic dinners with candles and bottles of wine, and going to bed at the end of the day. Everything had a place, and the routines of washing, cooking, and shopping were running smoothly. It was lovely.

Then I read this book and it transformed my perspective on our home. I realised that a home is not just a private place for our enjoyment, but it is a ministry opportunity, and people are to be welcomed in. What a difference it makes to see your home as a resource for God! It becomes so much more than the house and furniture! (I don't think this is at all exclusive to married couples either!) I began to think about how to use this gift for God's glory, trusting that God's presence in our home could make it a significant place for prayer and open conversation, and even people coming to know God for the first time.

It was no surprise to me that within days my new resolve to use my home for God would be put to the test. At about 7.30am one morning Aaron received a text from a friend in his football team saying that he and his girlfriend had no where to live as the house they were going to buy had fallen through, and asking if they could stay with us. Normally I would have said 'no' (but nicely!), especially as we had been told that we needed our own space in the first six months of marriage. Normally I am a very sensible person, but because of what God had shown me about our home, my heart leapt at the opportunity.

Three days later (after frantically emptying the spare room i.e our junk room) we were sharing our house with the couple and their belongings. We prepared ourselves for the challenge, praying that God would be glorified in our home, and that Christian marriage (and Christian faith in general) would look glorious and different because of the way Aaron and I lived and interacted.

To be continued...xx