Woke up to a sunny day, and a breakfast tray from my husband. The sky looks like the sky on our wedding day, a kind of gold-tinted bright blue, but here there is frost on the ground. That day two years ago was so magical, but I'm glad to be into the adventure now, just starting out on the road of life together. I never thought I could learn so much about myself so quickly. Lots of bad things too, which have needed to be put right!
Ephesians 5:22-4 has proven to be foundational to me in married life so far, so I'm going to type it out here :
"Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its saviour. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands." (ESV) (...followed by some equally sacrificial yet different instructions for husbands, but as I'm a wife we won't worry about that right now!)
I know its obvious, but if I was going to read a passage on marriage every day it would be this one. I know from my experience now (not just super-Christian ideals!) that this really works. If I honour my husband and quieten my (often nagging!) soul to trust him (and God) in letting him lead our family it makes all the difference in the world. When I don't do this everything feels wrong, and when we put things right our home returns to joy and peace and intimacy. How strange to have a life so affected by the actions and attitudes of another person! Equally, what a responsibility to handle the heart of another person so closely, and how devastating it can be to see the effects of my nagging or complaining or anger (the list goes on!) on them. But in the moments of getting it right I get a glimpse of God's beautiful design for marriage, and my eyes are lifted to our reflection of the relationship between Jesus and the Church, and to the glory of God seen in a marriage. My convictions and vision for our marriage have not changed, if anything they are more captivating. I know now for certain that a marriage thrives year after year because of God alone (yes, people stay married without knowing or loving God but they also end up living seperate lives or having physical or emotional affairs or just running out of things to say - I know I'm generalising, but this is true enough to generalise!). This is a supernatural miracle of God's grace and I praise Him for His goodness in sustaining our marriage.
My dreams for the next year? I have so much to learn! One major thing is that I want to live out Romans 15:7 more consistently: "Welcome one another as Christ has welcomed you, for the glory of God". This has not always been true of me so far! But the more I spend time (through reading the Bible and prayer) contemplating the extraordinary grace given to me through Jesus, the more I am able to extend grace to my husband. With God's help I want to welcome my husband with unconditional love and acceptance in all circumstances. I'm also looking forward to serving our church more together and growing in intimacy. Our love story is exciting! I'm living it now, not just reading about it in a novel or watching it in a film. I have my own love story which is real, and I can't wait to see what happens next. Lovely to see you again, x
Thursday, 6 September 2012
Saturday, 14 January 2012
So long, farewell...
Today is a sad day for me. I am leaving my blog behind for a while to concentrate on another writing project. This was a harder decision than I expected, but I really feel that it is the right thing to do. I hope this has been an encouraging resource for you, and I will see you when I get back.
Free to be Feminine,
x
Free to be Feminine,
x
Wednesday, 11 January 2012
Fashion For Less!
Just to inspire you about what I was talking about in my previous post on fashion - I got all these dresses for £20, that is £2 each! Some of them will be adjusted to fit me, and with others I will cut up the fabric for smaller things like cushion covers or greeting cards. Enjoy bargain hunting! Love,x
Tuesday, 10 January 2012
Just a little bit of 'me time'...
There are times when I find myself craving the kind of freedom I had before being a mum. I used to be able to have a leisurely bath, I used to be able to paint my nails and style my hair, I used to be able to just walk out of the house whenever I wanted without being loaded down with baby stuff. I even used to be able to go to the toilet in peace, without worrying that my child might do some damage bouncing up and down in her door bouncer (like a coat hanger, with springs and a baby attached!). These fleeting thoughts of wanting to get away from my responsibilities are occasional, and far outweighed by the joy and satisfaction Isabelle brings, but it is worth realising that God has a lot of work to do on me yet!
I was encouraged to read a chapter called 'Me time' in the fantastic book Loving the Little Years by Rachel Jankovic. This is obviously something mums find particularly challenging, mainly because they don't get much 'me time'. What Rachel shared was really helpful, because she didn't say the usual thing that people/adverts say to mums - treat yourselves, escape with this new spa product, lock the door and have a long soak in the bath. It is great to get some time to relax, I love to do that, but I think it is a problem that we are trained to do this in our culture. Not only to have plenty of 'me time', but to expect it and claim it as our right. This becomes a major issue when you have children and you can't do it anymore, so unless we think more biblically about ourselves (single, married, and with babies), we will find motherhood completely dissatisfying and will constantly be striving to get away.
I am challenged to discover that there is no such thing as this sense of self to be found in the Bible. No one seems interested in self-discovery or self-indulgence, yet these are things we obsess over. Paul in his letters isn't like 'we preach the gospel, we are suffering constant persecution, and we consider everything else rubbish because knowing Jesus is so precious. Oh, and I took a bit of time out to browse in the Apple store, got a new t-shirt from Hollister, and booked a last minute weekend away. I just need some 'me time', you know.' I don't mean to be extreme, I'm just making a point to myself as much as anything else, because I need to be reminded that 'me time' is pretty much a cultural concept not a biblical one.
Wherever I look in the Bible the concept of self seems very different to what I see around me. This seems to fit very well with what Paul writes in Romans 12:1-2, "I appeal to you therefore, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship. Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect." So, we are to consider ourselves as a living sacrifice. How often do we do that? Or do we think, 'How can I pamper myself?', 'Where am I going to go shopping next weekend?','Why don't I buy a DVD and have a night in enjoying my own company?' I think we are being conformed to this world more than we should be, and often so subtly that we don't even realise. Instead we need to treat our lives and our bodies sacrifically (does anyone in our culture even know what that would look like?), and make a decisive effort to change our thinking from the way the world thinks to the way God thinks (we do this by not just reading the Bible, but absorbing it into our lives).
So, that little bit of 'me time' I was hoping for might have to wait. Not least because I should be leaning on God to help me do the hard work of raising a child, rather than dreaming about my next escape. Are you indulgent with your self and your time? How much 'me time' do you have? Could you give some up to serve others instead? If you are a mum, are you trusting God or, like me sometimes, just clinging on until your next time of self-indulgence? What would change in your life if you truly considered yourself a living sacrifice? Love as always,x
p.s There is a major distinction between 'me time' and time alone with God. The gospels say that Jesus often went away alone to spend time with His Father. This gives us liberty to strive for quality time with our Father, to practice setting aside regular time with God, but not to take Jesus' example and make it fit our desire for 'me time'. The two things are very different. But please don't feel that I'm saying your time alone with God is indulgent. We should really be doing more of that, and less of our shopping, pampering, trashy tv time.
I was encouraged to read a chapter called 'Me time' in the fantastic book Loving the Little Years by Rachel Jankovic. This is obviously something mums find particularly challenging, mainly because they don't get much 'me time'. What Rachel shared was really helpful, because she didn't say the usual thing that people/adverts say to mums - treat yourselves, escape with this new spa product, lock the door and have a long soak in the bath. It is great to get some time to relax, I love to do that, but I think it is a problem that we are trained to do this in our culture. Not only to have plenty of 'me time', but to expect it and claim it as our right. This becomes a major issue when you have children and you can't do it anymore, so unless we think more biblically about ourselves (single, married, and with babies), we will find motherhood completely dissatisfying and will constantly be striving to get away.
I am challenged to discover that there is no such thing as this sense of self to be found in the Bible. No one seems interested in self-discovery or self-indulgence, yet these are things we obsess over. Paul in his letters isn't like 'we preach the gospel, we are suffering constant persecution, and we consider everything else rubbish because knowing Jesus is so precious. Oh, and I took a bit of time out to browse in the Apple store, got a new t-shirt from Hollister, and booked a last minute weekend away. I just need some 'me time', you know.' I don't mean to be extreme, I'm just making a point to myself as much as anything else, because I need to be reminded that 'me time' is pretty much a cultural concept not a biblical one.
Wherever I look in the Bible the concept of self seems very different to what I see around me. This seems to fit very well with what Paul writes in Romans 12:1-2, "I appeal to you therefore, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship. Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect." So, we are to consider ourselves as a living sacrifice. How often do we do that? Or do we think, 'How can I pamper myself?', 'Where am I going to go shopping next weekend?','Why don't I buy a DVD and have a night in enjoying my own company?' I think we are being conformed to this world more than we should be, and often so subtly that we don't even realise. Instead we need to treat our lives and our bodies sacrifically (does anyone in our culture even know what that would look like?), and make a decisive effort to change our thinking from the way the world thinks to the way God thinks (we do this by not just reading the Bible, but absorbing it into our lives).
So, that little bit of 'me time' I was hoping for might have to wait. Not least because I should be leaning on God to help me do the hard work of raising a child, rather than dreaming about my next escape. Are you indulgent with your self and your time? How much 'me time' do you have? Could you give some up to serve others instead? If you are a mum, are you trusting God or, like me sometimes, just clinging on until your next time of self-indulgence? What would change in your life if you truly considered yourself a living sacrifice? Love as always,x
p.s There is a major distinction between 'me time' and time alone with God. The gospels say that Jesus often went away alone to spend time with His Father. This gives us liberty to strive for quality time with our Father, to practice setting aside regular time with God, but not to take Jesus' example and make it fit our desire for 'me time'. The two things are very different. But please don't feel that I'm saying your time alone with God is indulgent. We should really be doing more of that, and less of our shopping, pampering, trashy tv time.
Wednesday, 4 January 2012
Fashion to the Glory of God
So many girls have commented on my clothes, or even just noticed that I tend to wear dresses instead of jeans, that I wanted to write to you about fashion and how I think about this for God's glory.
The starting point must be this - that "dressing the coolest isn't going to get any praise for the suffering Christ" (this is a John Piper quote from the most profound video on Youtube - please watch it now before reading on:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=--JiiuJNvt4). We first have to be willing to give up fashion completely. After I became a Christian fashion was still a huge priority in my life. I studied the magazines, I devoted hours to browsing clothes shops, I spent more money on fashion than anything else, and worst of all, my identity and self-worth rested almost entirely on what I wore. The lady who guided me through the first few months of following Jesus told me to give up shopping for clothes and reading fashion magazines for a year. She suggested putting away my clothes that followed any trends and wearing simple jumpers and hoodies, so my identity couldn't be in my clothes. This is exactly what I did. It was hard because I was starting uni and I wanted to make an impression, and the only way I knew how to do that was through clothes. Aaron remembers meeting me then and says I didn't come across as caring about my appearance because I wore big hoodies! How far that was from the truth!
So fashion disappeared from my life for a while. Then there comes a point when you can reclaim something for God because your heart is right - when your heart is won by Jesus not enchanted by fashion you can sometimes have it back. Could you give up your wardrobe for a year? Would you be willing to do that to put God first in your heart?
I gave up fashion and then after just over a year I was able to start thinking about it again. I was thinking differently to before - not 'how can I dress to attract people? how can I dress to give an impression?, but 'how can I dress to express my God-given femininity?' So I started to develop a style, not strategically, but naturally, as an overflow of who I felt God had made me to be. I absolutely love dresses, and as I grew in confidence about wearing what I loved I began figuring out shapes and styles for different occasions and seasons. Now I have become comfortable with myself so that I hardly notice what I am choosing to wear, and I don't take time worrying over my outfits like I used to. That's why I'm really surprised when people compliment me on what I'm wearing! I want fashion to be a non-issue in my life. Not something consuming, but something I enter into without compromising my love for God. Fashion must be trivial in our hearts compared to Jesus, and in my experience if you pursue fashion your money goes on clothes, and so do your thoughts and time.
So, my practical tips on fashion...
The starting point must be this - that "dressing the coolest isn't going to get any praise for the suffering Christ" (this is a John Piper quote from the most profound video on Youtube - please watch it now before reading on:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=--JiiuJNvt4). We first have to be willing to give up fashion completely. After I became a Christian fashion was still a huge priority in my life. I studied the magazines, I devoted hours to browsing clothes shops, I spent more money on fashion than anything else, and worst of all, my identity and self-worth rested almost entirely on what I wore. The lady who guided me through the first few months of following Jesus told me to give up shopping for clothes and reading fashion magazines for a year. She suggested putting away my clothes that followed any trends and wearing simple jumpers and hoodies, so my identity couldn't be in my clothes. This is exactly what I did. It was hard because I was starting uni and I wanted to make an impression, and the only way I knew how to do that was through clothes. Aaron remembers meeting me then and says I didn't come across as caring about my appearance because I wore big hoodies! How far that was from the truth!
So fashion disappeared from my life for a while. Then there comes a point when you can reclaim something for God because your heart is right - when your heart is won by Jesus not enchanted by fashion you can sometimes have it back. Could you give up your wardrobe for a year? Would you be willing to do that to put God first in your heart?
I gave up fashion and then after just over a year I was able to start thinking about it again. I was thinking differently to before - not 'how can I dress to attract people? how can I dress to give an impression?, but 'how can I dress to express my God-given femininity?' So I started to develop a style, not strategically, but naturally, as an overflow of who I felt God had made me to be. I absolutely love dresses, and as I grew in confidence about wearing what I loved I began figuring out shapes and styles for different occasions and seasons. Now I have become comfortable with myself so that I hardly notice what I am choosing to wear, and I don't take time worrying over my outfits like I used to. That's why I'm really surprised when people compliment me on what I'm wearing! I want fashion to be a non-issue in my life. Not something consuming, but something I enter into without compromising my love for God. Fashion must be trivial in our hearts compared to Jesus, and in my experience if you pursue fashion your money goes on clothes, and so do your thoughts and time.
So, my practical tips on fashion...
- A big issue with fashion is good stewardship of your money. Jesus said: "Do not lay up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal" (Matt 6:19). Bearing this in mind, I don't want my clothes, shoes or handbags to be my treasure because they won't last. I don't think spending loads on branded clothes, designer clothes, or shopping in the coolest shop is really justifiable.
- Never buy anything full price. I get amazing deals on clothes because I think ahead to the next season, so when everyone is buying winter clothes I buy summer clothes at their cheapest. I usually don't spend more than £5 on a dress, and it is incredible what you can find when you look carefully.
- If you can learn some basic sewing techniques you can alter clothes to fit you. I taught myself by trial and error and it really is very simple! I buy lots of my dresses very cheaply in larger sizes and then adjust them to fit me. I choose things for the print or colour rather than exactly the right size.
- Buy things that are classic and feminine and they will last. Don't get caught up in the buzz of trends that will be gone in a few months. Buying into those things is a luxury lifestyle, and not something that works with a biblical view of money.
- There are lots of trends and styles which don't honour God (or the people who can almost see your underwear because your shorts are so short!) so be aware of how short/tight/revealing different styles are. I don't buy anything that compromises modesty in any way, no matter how great it looks on me because the point isn't to draw attention to myself. You can be confident and beautifully dressed without wearing any of these things.
Two final points - I say all of this knowing that fashion is a leisure pursuit that most people in the world can't afford. I think it is important to remember what exists outside our culture so that we don't get sucked in to chasing the next thing. Secondly, I know many women who are beautiful people who don't have any interest in fashion. I don't think it matters at all as Christians whether we follow fashion or not. The only important thing is that if we are married we make an effort to be attractive for our husbands, whatever that might look like. We have to wear clothes, and we simply have the option of using our clothes to express ourselves. If we are modest, good stewards of our money, secure in our identity as God's child, and undistracted from our pursuit of God then I think we are doing fashion to the glory of God. Love,x
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