Aaron noticed what I was looking to for comfort, and started reading the Bible to me every morning as soon as I sat up in bed! I felt sorry for myself and this wasn't what I wanted. I just stared at the words on the page, unable to connect with it. After all, why would you care about Paul's letter to the church in Corinth when you haven't slept for four nights in a row? This is where I was at (even though when my life was going well I enjoyed studying the Bible).
I realise that this isn't directly an issue of femininity (which is supposed to be my focus), but I wondered if maybe I'm not the only girl who finds reading the Bible hard when so many comforts and distractions surround us, in good times and hard times. I would argue that this is a foundational issue for Christian womanhood.
Anyway, that note aside, I found myself wondering, Does the Bible mean anything for me in my suffering?
You may notice from my question that I was rather self-absorbed at this point (although this question can be a valid one, my heart was not in the right place at all). I was so focused on my immediate needs that I couldn't really see the relevance of the Bible (other than to use it as a miniature table for my mug of juice because it is the largest book I own). I think we often give up on the Bible very easily if it doesn't provide an emotional quick fix or personal application, and in my experience this reaction is naturally more common in girls than guys. I have found it profoundly difficult to press on with reading something that is so vast, so seemingly disconnected from my current reality, and so difficult. Sometimes I have stumbled across words which seem written just for me, providing me with strength for weeks, and other times (like this time) it has seemed like an uphill struggle.
I think I have finally come to the root of my problem, which is this,
Is it about me and my life, or is it about God and His purposes?
If this is all about me then I shouldn't bother with the Bible unless it helps me in some way, whether that's a comforting mantra, a happy message, or an answer to a problem. But if this is about something (or Someone) far bigger than me, then maybe the Bible isn't there to serve me. Of course the Bible does provide great comfort, and it speaks to us today, but this shouldn't be why we read it. We read the Bible to know God more.
The Bible says of itself...
Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path. Psalm 119:105 (and many other things in the Psalms)
For the word of God is living and active, sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing to the division of soul and of spirit, of joints and of marrow, and discerning the thoughts and intentions of the heart. Hebrews 4:12
All Scripture is breathed out by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, and for training in righteousness, 2 Timothy 3:16
These verses say that the Bible is like a torch on a dark night, it is alive and powerful. I wonder if I had thought about the Bible this way, I might have realised it's relevance to my circumstances.
Also, if I hadn't been so self-centred during my illness, maybe I would have seen that God's purposes are far bigger than me. For example, I want to be able to say, in all circumstances, that the death and resurrection of Jesus for our salvation is GOOD NEWS! As it turns out, this is why I think I need the Bible at all times. It lifts my gaze to the things that really matter. It changes my whole perspective on the world, and if I have become the centre then it shrinks me down to my rightful size (in comparison to God, see this in the last few chapters of the book of Job). This isn't easy. My weak flesh (my 'old nature', the very human bit that craves comfort) wants to be gratified, it ties me down, and it is a struggle against this human nature to engage with the Bible. But the Bible feeds the soul, and this is far more vital than any other human need. I need God's help to be able to grasp this in all circumstances, especially when physical or emotional needs seem demanding and urgent.
I want to talk more about how the Bible helps us to know God, but there isn't time now, so I will come back to this in my next post. Love,x
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