The Bible has lots to say about words. It even has lots to say about women and their words. Proverbs 31 says of a godly woman: "She opens her mouth with wisdom, and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue" (v 26 ESV). In the context this is being applied to a wife and mother, but it is just as relevant for those of us who are single or wanting to prepare ourselves for marriage. Words are very powerful. Either we leave stab wounds or we are a gracious antiseptic bandage!That's the choice. So the way we talk to and about men is a big deal even though it might seem like a small thing, or you might think I'm blowing it out of proportion. We believe the Bible is true on all matters of human nature, so it is a big deal.
So, why am I going on about words? Well, we use a lot of words for a lot of different purposes, but I particularly want to think about how we use our words to undermine men. I believe this is a major problem in our culture, in the church, and sadly in many Christian marriages. I see it all the time, and I recognise the tendency in myself. We have been freed to be disrespectful about men and to speak belittlingly of those close to us because this is so normal in our culture. Not that guys are perfect, there are equally big issues with the way men behave towards women, but here we are talking about women and their words.
What are we talking about practically? The book of Proverbs is full of advice about how to use words (read through it if you get a chance, and highlight everything you find about words). The author talks about "a soft answer" (15:1), "a gentle tongue" (15:4), and "gracious words" (16:24) all having a deep, healthy, life-giving impact on those we communicate with. Yet so often when we talk to men or about men (our husband, boyfriend, dad, church leader, uni friends) we find it is acceptable, and even encouraged by other women, to speak negatively. At times I have caught myself snapping at my husband, or moaning about him to friends, or making a disrespectful joke when we are at a social event. Since becoming aware of this I have noticed other dear friends speaking in a patronising way to their dad, or being constantly critical of their church leaders, or putting down their husbands in front of others. There are endless ways in which we as women can undermine men with our words. Because it is an issue of the heart, not just a matter of what comes out of our mouths, it will look different for different people. Jesus taught about this: "The good person out of the good treasure of his heart produces good, and the evil person out of his evil treasure produces evil, for out of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaks" (Luke 6:45). So if we stop and think about it, there must be a sinful attitude in our heart that is leading us to speak in an undermining way. For example, if there is an attitude of rebellion against my husband in my heart then I may react disrespectfully and fiercely to his guidance or correction.
Often I don't think we realise what we are doing, or what the full implications are. But the effect, whether intentional or not, is to discourage them, paralyse them in their initiative-taking, and sap their confidence in their leadership ability (in professional situations at work, and in personal situations such as marriage and parenting). Not only that but it causes a lot of pain, as we saw in the sword thrusts of Proverbs 12:18. We are also sneaky sometimes, and we know that we are undermining the men in our lives but because it is often done through lots of small subtle things we can pretend to ourselves and others that we didn't mean it. Sometimes we will cover up the critical or disrespectful nature of what we are saying by turning it into a joke. This is something to be aware of. Even if we think we are getting ourselves off the hook for our use of words, God sees straight through us anyway. Proverbs 15:11 says "Even death and destruction hold no secrets from the Lord. How much more does he know the human heart!" (NLT). He is concerned with the things in our hearts, not just what we say.
So, some questions worth considering...
- Do I use my words to wound or to heal?
- Have I asked God to reveal the attitude of my heart towards men so that I can work through any sin there?
- Why do I speak the way I do about/towards my husband/boyfriend/church leader/friend? Am I negatively influenced by culture or women around me?
- Am I being an example to others in respecting and honouring the men in my life with my words (as well as the women, of course!)?
- Do I also use body language or looks in an undermining way (eg. rolling my eyes, turning away with folded arms)?
- Is there anything I need to ask forgiveness for or anything I need to turn from and change (repent of)?
Love, until next time.x
No comments:
Post a Comment