I'm only a month in to married life (and therefore my experience is very limited!) and I have been surprised by the reactions of shock and somtimes disapproval about the way our home works. When Aaron tells people that I have done the cooking and it's been amazing people's eyes widen and they laugh awkwardly, looking at me sideways with an expression of confusion and fear of the unknown, probably wondering what kind of woman I am.
OK, so it's not like that every time, but it does happen. I'm sure that I will be labelled as backward and conservative, and weird for trying to be like a 1950s housewife in contemporary society. But I know that these judgements aren't true of me, and I strongly believe that I am living in line with the Bible. The funny thing is that most wives will cook meals for their husbands and clean their homes, to some degree. It happens naturally as part of making marriage work. We just have this aversion to being told what to do or being told to fulfill a certain role, so that when someone says that wives should take a significant role in running their homes, we are instantly up in arms. Our defensive hearts prevent us from seeing the good in things because we hate to be told anything that we don't like or that makes us feel judged. Please don't jump at what I'm saying without allowing yourself time to consider it.
I started out reading an instruction in Paul's letter to Titus about how older women should be instructed to teach the young women in their roles as wives and parents. He says...
"train the young women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled."(Titus 2:4)
This list is incredibly useful to us as young wives, and to those who want to prepare for marriage because it summarises the key issues that Paul wants the older women to teach about. In thinking about cooking and running our home, I picked out the phrase "working at home" that Paul uses here.
In the book of Proverbs there is a wonderful poem which is all about an excellent wife, and I think it is useful as a practical expression of the role of "working at home" mentioned in Titus. If I am feeling negative towards my husband because of all I do at home, I read about this wife's skill and strength. She is an ideal (in the style of Proverbs) and therefore all her characteristics and skills are unlikely to be contained in one normal wife! However this does not invalidate her as an example. How wonderful that God gave us this detailed picture of being a godly wife in the Bible!
The poem says
(Proverbs 31:27)
"She looks well to the ways of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness."
She works hard, and oversees the provision of meals, clothes, and money. Read the whole poem in Proverbs 31:10-31 and you will see that this wife is a bit of a genius. She makes money for her home and she is also great at craft projects. I have a favourite image from the poem, which just makes me love my home and love caring for my husband. Verse 21 says
"She is not afraid of snow for her household, for all her household are clothed in scarlet."
What a cosy image! I imagine a wife looking out of the window as snow starts to fall, and feeling the satisfaction of her children and her husband having warm clothes to wear. The poem says that her husband praises her for her diligence and care. I want to be that kind of wife. This is not about being confined to the kitchen, and of course there are situations where husbands clean and cook for their wives, and it isn't wrong. But the wife in Proverbs generally oversees her home, and the result is
"The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain" (v. 11)
Wives can be such a gift to their husbands in their homes, and I would suggest that this can give us great joy and satisfaction. There is no need to see this as a kind of oppression, because in my experience my care for Aaron and my home wells up from a heart of gratitude to God, and also a desire to serve Him by doing what is right. I'm glad to be back to blogging, hope you're all well, and let me know your thoughts. Love,xx
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