Theology and Feelings Part 2

I wanted to write a theory for you about how to live a life where truth and feelings matter, but it was too difficult! So instead I'm going to write about my experience over the last couple of weeks, which is really all I have to offer on this subject.

I won't go into details but I experienced grief recently that hit me like nothing I've ever felt before. I experienced grief that hurts so much that it physically hurts. These are the circumstances in which I've been thinking about theology and feelings, and I've come back to my favourite psalm (119) time after time, to read

"My soul melts away for sorrow,
strengthen me according to your word!" (v 28)

Never has the Bible been so vital to me. I'm just getting a cup of tea (there is something so comforting about having your hand round a hot mug of tea), then let me explain...

I have always been the kind of person who is led by their feelings. My view of the world and myself have usually been shaped by how I feel on a particular day. I used to stay in bed for days at a time if I felt ugly or insecure, and sometimes I missed church if I felt stressed or inadequate. I socialised only when I felt happy, and turned down all invitations when I didn't. But I recently got to this crossroads where I felt overwhelmed with sorrow, and I could either stay there or turn to God's Word. I could either become entirely self-focused and unable to function, or I could seek strength from God in order to carry on with my relationships and responsibilities.

I learnt that there is a time to cry every few hours, and then following that a time to apply God's truth to your soul for strength, and often alternating between the two (see Ecclesiastes 3:1-8). Because the thing about truth is that it never changes. If I claim to be a Christian (which I do!) then I have to accept that the Bible is true all the time. The Bible says that God is good, all the time. This is challenging to me.

So I found myself in a position where I either have to deny that the Bible is true because I don't feel like God is good, or I have to believe the Bible is stronger than my feelings. Either truth or feelings have to win the battle. This time, for the first time really, truth won me over. I just happened to listen to a song by a worship band called Elysium which sums up what happened:

"When nothing else could help, love lifted me." (from Love Lifted Me, Elysium)

I chose to feed my soul with the love of God, and I found strength beyond anything I could have conjured up myself. I want my feelings to lead me to God and truth, whether in pain or joy.