Why feminine, not feminist?

I was part of the 'girl power' generation. We were raised on the Spice Girls. At the age of eleven I was practicing the dance routine to 'Wannabe', feeling empowered. They were good times, we felt like we had the world at our fingertips, with all the same opportunities as boys. But over the last couple of decades 'girl power' has gone too far, resulting in a disdainful attitude towards men and the widespread belief that we don't need men for anything. So, even though most women have never studied the feminist academics, the feminist perspective has filtered into popular culture.

This negative view of men was there for me when guys let me down or hurt me. From the age of about sixteen I had decided that men were not trustworthy and that I could look after myself. This view is often a response to pain, and unfortunately there are lots of men who cause women great pain. But we cannot rule out all men because there are bad men, just as we wouldn't rule out all women because there are bad women.

I became a feminist without even realising, and ended up lonely, stressed, bitter, and totally unable to be myself because I had so many defences up. Based on my personal experience of a shift in my thinking from feminism to femininity, I would humbly like to express some reasons why I believe that feminism (by this I do not mean all the good that has come of female empowerment, nor do I wish to confine women to a position of subservience. What I wish to counteract is the belief in female superiority and autonomy, and the dismissal of the Biblical view of male and female complementarianism) is dangerous and defeating for Christian womanhood today.

1. You stop needing people (or in most cases stop admitting your need for people, even to yourself). This destroys important aspects of relationship building, such as sharing your feelings and giving honest opinions.

2. You become proud of your independence, which means that you are likely to end up bottling up your feelings or blocking them out so that you can survive alone.

3. It might make you feel good that you don't need a man, but it's not an honourable thing, it isn't something to be proud of, because in reality (and based on the Biblical understanding of gender relations) men and women do need each other deeply.

4. If you have taught yourself to be a femininist you will find the demands of a relationship very difficult, for example, selfless love, and compromise. Submission will be impossible.

5. The feminist mind set makes you understand everything with a defensive attitude. This makes it very difficult to listen to any criticism, and also makes you paranoid that people are trying to put you down. Neither of these attitudes are helpful, because sometimes you do need to be told to change, and to be humble.

6. No matter how empowering female solidarity can feel, it cannot replace male and female relationships, and was never supposed to.

7. Feminism is not the answer or the solution to all the abuse of women that has occured throughout history.

8. Sometimes feminism is used as an excuse or a front because we are scared, lazy, or selfish.

9. If feminism is true it should be followed entirely. But even though we believe in equality in career opportunities, we wouldn't say that should then lead to women going to fight in wars.

10. Feminism makes chivalry unnecessary, which is tragic for both men and women. We metaphorically trample over men, invalidating their desire to open a door for us, in order to assert that we don't need them.

11. Feminism often rises out of bad experiences, which is never a good starting point for an ideology.

12. If feminism means that you need to act like a man, then it doesn't prove the self-sufficiency of women. You cannot copy someone and then say you don't need them.

13. Feminism can make you become a hard-hearted person who is distainful of femininity. This is wrong because femininity is beautiful and powerful in a different way to masculinity.

I hope you find it interesting to consider these things. My next post will be about femininity - what it looks like, what the Bible says, and how it is different to feminism. Until then, x