Thoughts on Becoming a Wife 1: Submission

So, I said I would be coming back to the whole subject of 'submission' at some point, and now I'm getting married in less than a month it seems as good a time as any! 'Sumission' means very little in our generation. In fact, it is entirely misunderstood. Whenever I talk to women about it, you can see their eyes narrowing with suspicion, thinking that I'm trying to do some twisted imitation of a 1950s housewife. This is not what submission looks like.

I wanted to get a dictionary definition for you, to make it really clear. But my dictionary only said that to submit means yielding to a superior force or stronger person. This just shows how little the world knows about Biblical submission I guess. So we are going to go straight to the Bible, and to the main passage quoted/debated over on this subject, which is in Paul's letter to the church in a city called Ephesus.

"Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Saviour. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything." (Ephesians 5:22-24)

If possible, as we try to make sense of this, lets put down our natural tendency to react in anger against anything that might suggest that a woman isn't self-sufficient and fully independent and in control. Because this concept is in the Bible it means that God wants us to learn it, and it will be for our good. Remember that God doesn't want to condemn us to misery, he knows us inside out, and if He tells us to do something, it will be best for us. This is foundational to how we read any command in the Bible.

So, in context, Paul is talking about how he wants the Christians to treat each other. Chapter 4 ends with: "Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ". This is a principle that applies to everyone, but Paul then goes on to apply it in more detail to specific relationships, starting with husband and wife.

There is this profound parallel between the husband/wife relationship and the Jesus/ the Church relationship. Wives are compared to the church, and husbands compared to Jesus as the head of the church. Jesus provides the vision for the church, and He also oversees it, directs it, guides it. He has divine authority over the church, which means that the church honours Him, adores Him, and needs Him. In some small way a husband takes this kind of role with his wife. His role as head of the marriage is God-given so should be treated with reverence by his wife.

Obviously there are circumstances in which a wife cannot and should not obey her husband. But more commonly this is brought up as an excuse because we don't like being under any kind of authority or leadership. Submission is God's calling for married women, and it is such a beautiful thing. Even from my limited experience (as I'm not married yet!) I notice how freeing it is for my fiance when I honour him and respect his decisions for us. It is wonderful for me because I am protected from the things I wasn't designed to handle, and the burden of final responsibility and leadership is lifted from my shoulders.

Submission is not to be taken as an opportunity to be lazy, or seen as a command to be a passive woman. I am totally involved with the direction of our lives, but if my fiance says that we are going to do something and I don't want to, then I have to trust him and submit to his decision. This is so good for both of us. I can respectfully disagree, I can gently explain if he is doing something I believe to be wrong, there is room for debate. But we often treat our husbands (in my case, fiance for a couple more weeks!) in a disrespectful way which paralyses their ability to lead us.

It must be noted that this is not about him being more valuable to God (men and women are equally precious to God), or even necessarily more capable in every situation. It is good and right for us to submit because God says so, and there isn't a get-out clause such as...
"I don't need him to lead me"
"I'm actually more capable"
"I don't trust him to make decisions"

Submission is not conditional. In the same way that the command for husbands to love their wives is not conditional. There is a role for both the husband and wife. Submission is designed to work best when the husband loves his wife, not when he feels love towards her, but when he lays his life down for her in love (v 25 "Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her").

This is a difficult thing that we are called to. Submission goes against every natural inclination we have to control our lives, protect ourselves, and take authority from no one. But how glorious marriages are when both partners are laying down their lives in the way God has commanded. My constant prayer is that submission to my fiance will characterise our marriage. I've had a glimpse of it, and I want more!